wish i knew

so i got to see Mikah yesterday, i went over about 6 and could have stayed till 9 but where shes only 10 days old, there isn't much you can do with her, yes i love holding her and hearing whats going on with her and especially seeing her cute faces and noises she makes, nut once again shes still so little, so I feel funny staying for so long, but I feel funny leaving too, i love her and miss her, but shes not mine and I'm so okay with that because I KNOW I could call or go over whenever and I think that just makes it easier, but I don't need to, and Idk if that means I'm not grieving well or not? I wish there was someone i could talk to about this, I am seeing a counselor but I kinda maybe think I don't need to... or maybe because I'm thinking I'm juts fine maybe I'm bottling it all up?....IDK? and I think NOT knowing is driving me ?maybe it will be better when she gets a bit older? and I can actualy play with her?...then again maybe not Maybe then it will be harder for me? wish I knew?