one week...

well officially in 5 min Mikah will be one week old, its so insane to think i was sitting in the hospital going on hour 9 of labor and having 15 people watch as the Dr. helped her out with the forceps, and all at once when she came out and everyone saw her and gasped for air people were crying and somehow the room went DEAD silent, and all I could hear was her, her soft whimper and they wrapped her up and handed her to me and nothing else mattered, nothing in the word but my little girl, i already loved her, but in that moment seeing her face I fell so deeply in love there aren't even words, it was also in that moment that confirmed to me because I loved her so much that i wouldn't be able to raise my daughter, and it hurt, i knew where she was going, to a couple that I hand picked out of anyone else, to a mom and dad that could take care of her every need and could protect her from the one person that i was scared to have around anymore, the reason for her very existence, so i let go, and asked God to help me to let go when the time was needed and to help me though this.

they say God doesn't hand anyone more then they can handle, well he must think I'm pretty strong, or hopefully NOT but maybe he's preparing me for something else and this is what I had to go through to be able to handle that, which ever the reason I know I need him now, to get thru the day sometimes, and when its too hard for each day, just to get thru an hour,

in this journey I have learned that
~sometimes you have to cut old friendships, people you realize are not the kind of influence you need around
~you'll find new friends with those who have gone or are going thru the same trials
~Family is EVERYTHING!
~God loves you meaning that there is always SOMEONE you can turn to.
~there is light at the end of the tunnel, and hope and love

these are just a couple things that I have come to know, but now that I know I can face anything and when times are hard I'll know I can make it through.

i love you baby Mikah, happy one week love.

p.s. the timing on the blogsite is wrong, Mikah Emily was born on 3/18/2010 at 12 :10 am